What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group who has hurt you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not a cheap task. It is not easy to forgive when you are offended and hurt.

Forgiveness is, in part, a willingness to drop the narrative on a particular injustice, to stop telling ourselves over and over again the story of what happened, what this other person did, how we were hurt, and all the rest of the upsetting things we remind ourselves concerning this unforgivable-ness. It's a decision to let the past be what it was, to leave it as it is, imperfect and not what we wish it had been.

Forgiveness is for our growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger, it harms us far more than it harms the offender. Forgiveness frees us to live in the present. It allows us to move on without a wave of anger or contempt or seeking revenge.

Forgiveness is about goodness and extending mercy to those who have harmed us, even if they don't "deserve" it. It is not about finding excuses for the offending person's behavior or pretending it didn't happen. Nor is there a quick formula you can follow. 

Forgiveness is a process with many steps that often proceeds in a non-linear fashion. But it's well worth the effort. Working on forgiveness can help us increase our self-esteem and give us a sense of inner strength and safety.

It can reverse the lies that we often tell ourselves when someone has hurt us deeply—lies like, I was defeated, or I'm not worthy. Forgiveness can heal us and allow us to move on in life with meaning and purpose. Forgiveness matters, and we will be its primary beneficiary. That is why the Bible counsels us to forgive because God has already forgiven us our sins;

Ephesians 1:7- In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

Ephesians 4:32- And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Mat 6:12- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Mat 6:14- For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Mat 6:15- But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Act 13:38- Be it known unto you, therefore, men and brethren, that through this man is preached unto you the forgiveness of sins:

2Co 2:7- So that contrariwise ye ought rather forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.

2Co 2:10- To whom ye forgive anything, I forgive also: for if I forgave anything, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;